BlondeZilla Babble

Do YOU Believe !??

2008-11-25T23:59:00.003-05:00

Do you believe ?

Not in " GuitarAClaus " or even Santa Claus ... but do you believe in COINCIDENCE ?

This little Christmas tag may not look like that much of a keepsake, but you may think otherwise once you hear the story behind it ... and especially if you DON'T believe in coincidence.

I had a horrible night last night. I was really missing my Jer and I was really hurting, almost as bad as the first days after he died. I cried until I cried myself to sleep ... it was well after 3 in the morning. I figured my day off the next day would be shot. I'd probably sleep in and just hide under my blankets and lick my wounds. It had been raining all night and was still miserable when I first woke up. I just retreated back into my cocoon.

Then my phone rang. Damn, WHO would that be ... I let it go over to message. It was from Jerry's brother Tom. He said he had something for me that Jer wrote and to call him back.

I rolled out of bed, splashed some water on my red and swollen eyes, took a drink to ease my dry throat and made the call.

Tom said " You won't believe this ! I was taking some old newspapers out of a bag I got from Dad to fire up the wood stove in the garage and this paper flew out from between the rest. It's something Jer wrote to you ! I thought you would want it. "

I told Tom that I often saved maybe one out of 20 of Jer's notes he wrote to me ... just the ones that said something out of the usual ... and Tom said, " Well THIS isn't a note, but I won't tell you any more, you've got to come see it. "

So I was intrigued. Was it some music Jer wrote ? I puttered around thinking of the possibilities and finally pulled myself together and left for Tom's garage.

When I got there, we talked for a few minutes first and Tom was SURE there was more to this all than simply finding a note from Jer. He didn't come right out and say it, but he was implying that Jer prevented the note from simply getting tossed into the flames of the stove and lost forever. " It was the way it flew out of the handful of papers I had, " said Tom.

So he finally presented the Christmas tag, and at first I was disappointed that it wasn't music manuscript or a love note, or well, something more exciting .... but then I started to think, what are the odds !

Because the note addresses me as " Shelly " it dates it back to our first Christmas at the Lavene house together. Our very first Christmas as a couple, I was still living in my own apartment. Later Christmas celebrations Jer would have written his pet name for me, " Zilla " ( AKA Blonde Zilla ) So this tag had been stuffed into a bag of newspapers over 5 years ago and only NOW after Jer has passed does this tag leap out away from the other papers so as to NOT get tossed into the fire.

WHAT ARE THE ODDS, INDEED.

After I placed the tag into my pocket over my heart, Tom and I chatted a while about Jer and things that had been weighing on our minds ... It was a good talk and I was happy to have visited with Tom.

Tom had to get back to work, so I decided while I was in town to do some things I had dreaded ... to complete some tasks that would set my life back on tract ... things I had put off already and would not have gotten around to if Tom hadn't roused me out of my emotional coma.

To my delight, the rest of the day seemed to fall into place and all the things I had dreaded to face worked themselves out to the BEST outcomes. It seemed as if Jer was guiding my way, giving me the confidence and the attitude I needed to clear my path and begin the rest of my journey free of the weights I had been carrying.

Did Jer visit us today ? Did he want to wish us a happy holiday season ? Does everything really happen for a reason. I think of the phrase " God works in mysterious ways " and I just have to wonder, was this His work ?

I don't believe in coincidence, so ......

Thank you for guiding my way today Jer !

And Happy Holidays to you all !!

The Passing of my hero

2008-11-11T10:42:00.015-05:00

The Summer flew by and the scent of Fall was in the air, but Jer and I were looking forward to our favorite time of year, his 60 th birthday and almost two weeks of vacation. I had been working full time as a favor to my boss, knowing Jer and I would have plenty of time together soon.

Labor day, September 1 st, was the first day of our long awaited vacation and we wanted to get the mundane out of the way, so we went out grocery shopping to fill the cupboards before getting caught up in the freedom our vacation would bring. Jer always helped me with the shopping, the loading of the car, the unloading and the putting away of the items when we got them home. I was always so grateful for his help, but especially this day, as I wasn't feeling well.

Jer always did the cooking, but he had a lesson to give that evening, so we splurged and ordered take-out. After all the groceries were put away, we sat down to a nice meal together and I apologised to Jer for being so grumpy that morning. I had taken some medicine for my pain and crampiness, and planned to take a nap when Jer went to teach his guitar student. Jer jumped in the tub as I drifted off to sleep.

I awoke a 8:30 p.m. I was feeling much better. Jer wasn't home. He had mentioned he might go to Bingo, so I got busy with my dolls. As midnight approached, I was filled with anticipation and listening for Jer to drive up in his Jeep. Our kitty always got excited too and would run to a window to look out at him and then wait for him at the top of the stairs. I would hear him come in, and hear him say in a sing-song voice, " Zillaaaa ! I'm home ! "

In our 6 years living together I had NEVER spent a night without Jer. As much as he liked to stay busy and was always on the go, I could count on him being there in the mornings and at the end of the day. But this night would be different. When he didn't show up just after midnight, I started to worry, but then reassured myself with the thought that perhaps Jer won at Bingo and was trying his luck at the slot machines ... on the rare occasion he would win on the slots, sometimes he would come home thrilled for the win, and sometimes he would stay out late playing it back .... he must be playing it back, I thought.

2 a.m. came and went ... I couldn't sleep so kitty and I watched a T.V. show ... the show had sled dogs in it and I chuckled as the kitty was actually watching T.V. with me, excited for the barking and the movement on the screen. I couldn't wait for Jer to come home to tell him how cute she was ! 4 a.m. came and went ..... now I was REALLY worried.

I had told Jer the few times he did this that I would worry, not because he was out late, but because I would worry he would fall asleep coming home and end up on the side of the road somewhere. By 7 a.m. I was frantic.

Jer's brother Tom came through the door. He always stopped in during the week for coffee before he went to work, but this was too early ... then I heard his wife ... not a good sign, as she almost never came over in the morning ... I rushed downstairs and said " Where's Jerry !?! "

Tom explained, " I was called to the Emergency room late last night and Jer was in surgery all night ... he's in the I.C.U. now.

My heart sank. There was no time to chastise Tom for not calling me. I threw some clothes on and was out the door headed to I.C.U.

Tom had filled me in while I was dressing. Jer had been headed up to play bingo, but never got there. He had a friend in the car with him. He had said, " I feel dizzy " and pulled the car over, then suddenly went limp over the steering wheel. The friend flagged someone down who had a cell phone and EMS was called. Jer was rushed to the E.R. and told he needed to go into surgery or he would die. He gave verbal consent and was rushed to surgery. Jer had experienced a leaking abdominal aneurysm - a weakness in an artery wall had perforated. He was losing blood fast.

When I got to the I.C.U. I saw Jer hooked up to no less than eleven I.V.s and he was on a breathing machine. But he was AWAKE and alert and he KNEW I WAS THERE ! He reached out for me and I held his hand. He squeezed my hand in that tender way that only he could. I asked him a few questions and he was able to answer appropriately yes or no. I was so glad to be able to communicate with him. He fought against his respirator to say " I LOVE you ! " and " It'll be alright ! "

But as a nurse, it was soon obvious to me that he was doing very poorly. His organs were shutting down. His blood pressure was extremely low and dropping. The nurses were working fervently over him, a constant whirl of activity keeping up with all the I.V.s and blood transfusions. Nothing was working.

I had all day Tuesday with Jer, and only stepped away from him as other friends and family would come in to shake his hand and say a few words to him. I stayed by his side all evening and was pleased that his favorite vocalist, Eileen, stopped by in the late evening around 10 p.m. She sang a few songs to him and it was clear he was glad to see her. He squeezed her hand and shook his head yes and no to her questions.

The change of shift came and I was asked to step out of the room so the nurses could reposition Jer. I was allowed back in at Midnight. I returned to my position at the bedside and reached for Jer's hand ... there was no response ... I went to his face and looked into his swollen eyes. His pupils were dilated and he no longer followed my movements. My Jer was unconscious.

We had turned the corner and it was now time for me to tell Jer it was O.K. to go now. His body was broken and unable to be repaired. I told him to go be with his Mother, that I would be O.K. I told him Tal Farlow had a great gig for him and he would be playing with the angels now.

At about 4 a.m. the nurse requested I call the rest of the family back to the hospital. We all gathered around and waited, and talked about days gone by ... we talked about how Jer loved to make people laugh. It was just after 10 a.m. when Jer's cousin Greg, who was more like a brother to him, had re-told a story about him and Tom and Jer goofing off around the table as kids. Greg got us all laughing and Jer's vital signs all seemed to pick up for a minute ... then crashed to zero.

The nurse said. " He's gone. "

Greg jumped up and said, " I KILLED him ! " and quickly exited the room. We all followed him to reassure him that Jer left BECAUSE we were laughing and " his job was done here " .... there would have been no better time to leave us then right then while we were all laughing about a funny stunt he pulled when he was a kid.

After consoling the family, I went back into the room. It is my belief that the spirit lingers over the body for a time, kind of like stopping to say goodbye to it. I asked the nurse to help me get a lock of Jer's curly hair. She consented.

The nurse watched silently as I picked up Jer's head and cradled it in my bosom one last time.
I then kissed Jer full on the lips and said, " Goodbye shell of my beloved " and looking up, said to the spirit of Jer that I could still FEEL in the room, " I WILL see you again ! "

Without further words, the nurse handed me her scisors and I clipped a lock of hair.

With that, I thanked the nurses and left to go home and tell Jer's 95 year old Dad that he had lost his son.

It's been a bit over two months since Jer passed on Sept. 3 2008. Life without Jer has been hard. He was my Rock, as I wrote about him in a previous blog entry. I spent my vacation packing to move into my own place and I was mad at the universe for taking my Jer before I had the chance to spend his 60 th birthday and some quality time with him.

I had tremendous support from his many friends and the musical community. There was a musical celebration and dedication a few weeks after his death, and the Mayor of Plattsburgh declared a Jerry Lavene day to continue to honor his memory for all time.

I was so pleased to see Jerry honored this way. He SO deserved it !

I was also comforted by my online community. So many people had come to " know " Jer through my forum posts and Flickr photo stream. I got over 800 views and 87 comments on this Flickr photo alone ! ( see below )

( Click photo to enlarge )

Even now, I don't know what I would have done without the many far away friends that helped me NOT feel alone !

THANK YOU ALL !

I now busy myself sorting through the music Jer left behind. It is my single-minded task to gather his music together and transfer cassette and CD recordings to DVD. I have found some treasures among the many cassettes. Some recordings will need to be " cleaned up " for better sound quality. I also have a years worth of guitar lessons that Jer gave to me which I had recorded on VHS. I recently bought a VHS to DVD converter/ recorder so that I can transpose these memories to DVD and then be able to share them on line. I want to get Jer's music out to the masses. It is a Herculean task to gather the bits and pieces into a compact music collection, but it is my hearts desire and will help me to heal.

In time, I will be able to get past the pain and remember all the love, laughter and music Jer brought to my life. I was so Blessed !!

Dolls dolls and MORE dolls !!

2008-07-20T00:40:00.005-04:00

Over the past couple months, when I haven't been busy Kayaking or playing with my Kitty, I have found a renewed interest in my dolls.

This is a curious thing for me, as I never liked dolls as a young girl, but add the customization and the photography aspect and it is a new and interesting thing for me.

Just to refresh on how it all started ... I first discovered Blythe through a friend and got a Cinnamon Girl with the sole purpose of making her into something even better than her original concept.

She started like this:

She went through several incarnations .....

this being one of my favorites:

Then finally she was completed ( she can wear the red wig anytime, but I put her original hair back on her)
After my Blythe A.J. was done, I went a bit crazy with Pullips.

I have a Taeyang Timulus named Lar, who is the A.J.'s boyfriend. They had a baby together !!

This is A.J. Lar and little Mindy

Isn't little Mindy cute !!?
But there was always something about Lar's eyes that bothered me ... like they were kind of vacant ... so I took the eyes out of a new Pullip I had just bought for a major custom overhaul and put them into Lar.

Ah yes ... MUCH better !!

Meanwhile, I had also been working on my Pullip Sandi ... she was to get some blue eyechips ( sanded to fit Blythe chips, previously from A.J. ) and a pinker shade of lip gloss.

Sandy came to me looking like this:

But as my Mother's name sake, she had to have blue eyes ... so now she looks like THIS:

It took me three tries to get her lips the way I wanted them, but it proved good practice for my upcoming custom .....

BUT FIRST, I got a great deal on a girl who needs nothing ( except perhaps an eye chip change )

Meet Sashi my Rida Pullip

Sashi joined my Doll family just before my Nahh-Ato arrived. The Nahh-Ato, who was to be named Gita, was beautiful when she came, but I had big plans for her and had already ordered some things for her makeover.

Here's what she looked like when she came:

You may note that she had the eyes that went into my boy Pullip.
As beautiful as she was, it didn't take long for me to start her transition ...

First add the wig ...

Then multiple tries at face painting ... followed by a complete re-do with pastel chalks.

and finally ... just waiting on her Eyechips from Coolcat, that will be a deep brown.
Right now she is wearing a slightly damaged set of chips that came out of my other Pullip Sandi, who exchanged her brown eyes for blue.

So after all this Pullip love, I felt compelled to spend a day with A.J. We went for a walk down by the river and had a great time !

She had such a good time, she didn't want to leave ...

Back to Nature

2008-04-28T15:07:00.005-04:00

After spending a few months in limbo about whether or not to continue to sell jewelry online, I have decided not to decide. My plan is to enjoy the summer without the commitment to making and promoting my jewelry. I will re-evaluate after Labor day.

So in leu of that time constraint, I have decided to do something that will enhance both my health and well being. Several years ago I was big into whitewter kayaking. I miss it and long for the days on the rapids, but realize I am not in the kind of physical conditioning that it takes to be safe on the rivers that I would want to descend. But that doesn't mean I can't kayak at all !

I sold one of my " high end " guitars that I wasn't playing much and that afforded me the cash to go in search of a nice touring kayak. I live on the beautiful Lake Champlain, often considered America's 6 th " Great Lake ".

I was a bit shy about looking for a boat .... wondering if I would be taken seriously, due to being 100 lbs heavier than when I was an active boater. I dreaded meeting up with a 20 something paddler who would take one look at me and try to sell me a flat bottomed " fisherman's boat with a barcolounger for a seat and a beer holder :P But I was quite fortunate to find the owners of the Kayak Shack, a couple in their late 30's who were not only professional but just plain NICE.

I didn't end up with a floating tank ! I ended up buying a 17 foot sleek boating machine ! The perfect boat to get me out there paddling and back into shape !

I smile to myself every time a man asks me if I want help getting the boat up on the car. It must be some sight to see a 5'3" overweight chick heft this boat over her head and up onto a car that is taller than her *smiles* But that is part of the " workout " .... it would be like asking a girl at the gym if she needs help lifting the dumbells O_0

So I have been out boating several times already and I was ready to up the ante. I challenged myself to a long paddle - circumnavagate Valcour Island. My plan wasn't to simply paddle around the island, but to explore every bay and inlet getting to know the entire shoreline ... no short cuts !

Valcour Island is the forth largest Island on Lake Champlain at about 2 miles long and 1 mile wide. It is almost 1000 acres and has over 7 miles of paths traversing it's perimeter. It is conveniently located just a few miles south of my house.

I set out to make the trek on Sunday, April 27 th . In the early part of the day, the wind was Southerly at about 15 MPH. I chose to paddle around the southern part of the Island first and get the hardest part over with, as the shore would be unprotected from the waves there.

Just crossing over to the Lighthouse was a bit hairy. As I paddled up the shore, I saw a man paddling for all he was worth and met up with him when he came toward shore.

I said, " Beautiful day we're having ! "

He said, " You think so ... I'm terrified ! "

He was in a beautiful wooden Kayak.

I said, " Well, just stay close enough to shore so you can swim in before hypothermia gets you ! " He said " that's why I have this dry suit on ! "

We wished each other luck and I headed for the unprotected south shore of the island, wondering if maybe I should turn back .....

I met 3 - 4 Ft waves on the southern shore !!

I considered turning back, but pressed on, remembering that it wouldn't be the waves that would flip me, but how I reacted to them. I calmed down and just relaxed and rode the biggest ones ... and once through those, I found protection on the western side of the Island .

I didn't just paddle " around " the island, I explored every bay on both sides. So it was the absolute longest trek around the island that you can do ! I'm not sure of the distance ... but I would guess between 5 and 8 miles ??!

By the time I made it to the northern shore, the wind had calmed down to about 6 MPH. I had mild waves heading back to the New York mainland. It took me 5 hours all told, with one 45 min. break to stretch my legs and take photos.

I WANT TO DO IT AGAIN !!!

I have photos on my flicker where I stopped to have lunch.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/blondezilla/2446985593/

2008-02-17T15:06:00.005-05:00

Well, this three day weekend is shot.

A great chance to be productive has been lost due to a miserable chest cold and sinus infection :P

Since I can't seem to lay down to get some sleep, but I don't have the energy to do anything else, I thought I could catch up on my blog.

I've been a bit busy since after the holidays. I got my kitty spayed in the beginning of January. She has since forgiven me :)

I was busy practicing on my flute and guitar for our annual Memorial Service for the families of our deceased Cancer patients. This was especially hard as one of my co-workers lost her Mom who had been a patient and friend for many years - a wonderful lady. Another co-worker is out due to her 22 year old son's battle with Cancer. My sore sinuses seem so trivial in light of that :P

Each year for the last 5 years I have played the music for this Service, and each year I got nervous and choked in some way. Well, finally I made it through and was even better than any of my practice recordings. You can see some of those on my Youtube : http://www.youtube.com/user/5timesstray

After I got past the stress of the Memorial Service, I tackled another stressful task .... opening up my Blythe doll for her customization. I should give a little background history here.

I never played with dolls as a child. I was the quintessential Tom Boy. But somewhere along the way, a friend's custom doll and browsing Flickr, I became interested in buying a doll strictly to customize her. For those who know ... I got Cinnamon Girl. She is a doll with a sun tanned complexion, sweet face but gaudy orange make up :P Even with the gaudy make up, I fell in love with her fast and procrastinated the custom work.

This is what she looked like when I first got her home.

This is what she looks like now.

I still haven't glued her back together. I want to be ABSOLUTELY sure I have done everything to her that I want to that requires having her head opened up. For the doll geeks this is what I have done so far ....

Sand matted her face
reapplied make up on her face and eye lids
applied freckles
changed out all 4 eye chips ( foiled and painted )
replaced her stock eye lashes
gave her sleep eyes
gave her new pull strings and pull rings
Washed, conditioned and soft curler set her hair
Put her back together ... mostly ;>)

My Doll's name is A.J. ( Amanda Joyti )
Amanda = Latin for worthy of Love andJyoti = Hindu for Light.

Of course it's hard to stop at just ONE Blythe, so I had a game plan ....

I bought two Pullips :D A boy and a girl, and I bought a bunch of wigs for A.J. to switch in and out of, thus making her seem like more than one girl ( but hopefully not making her feel like Sybil )

One of the really fun things to do with these dolls is to photograph them on adventures, and the three of them had their first adventure out of the house on Valentine's Day.

Am I crazy to put my dolls in such peril for a photograph ? Especially considering the cheapest Pullip was about 55 dollars and the Blythe was over 100 dollars ??

I think the photos were worth it :)

Do you ?

I've been Tagged !

2008-02-16T17:51:00.006-05:00

I have been Tagged ! I've seen this before, but this is my first time. Now I have to reveal 7 things about myself, which could be hard as I have already revealed so much and want to give you things you haven't already heard about.

Well here are the rules:

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.

2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.

3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.

4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

So, I was tagged by a dear friend who I admire and respect - Amanda at http://pomomama.blogspot.com/ Please check out the cool things she does in her spare time while raising a cute kid !

Seven Facts :

1) As seen in the above photo, I wasn't always Blonde. I started turning gray at 25 and brown just didn't cover it well, so by the age of 30 I started dying it Blonde. It gets lighter every year - even though I am using the SAME COLOR ! :P

2) Also as referenced by the above photo, I was once a friend's Maid of Honor for her wedding. I hated it ! It was a stressful job and I had no idea what the protocols were. I had written a poem and she asked if she could have a friend set it to music and then have me sing it at the wedding. At the last minute, she confessed to me that she told her husband-to-be that SHE wrote it ! OOPS ! So it was very awkward as this was announced at the wedding :P We have since drifted apart.

3) I have a Pituitary Tumor. It's nothing really, now that I am on medication for it. But it explains a lot about the years between age 16 and 37, when I was basically in menopause because of it :P

4) Once in college I dressed up as a Drunken Clown and went out with my friends to a bar. I made a production by throwing some change on the floor and going through all kinds of stunts to pick it up. Patrons of the bar started throwing their change down for me to pick up. I made enough money to drink for free that night :>)

5) I was big into Karate in my 20's I went to New Orleans for a National AAU Karate Championship and ended up placing 2nd in Sparring in the brown belt division ! I was days away from testing for my Black Belt when I went into Nursing School and got buried in course work for that. I never went back to it after I started nursing full time.

6) I love Mountains and Rivers and Whitewater ! I have Kayaked many New England rivers and also the Ottawa in Canada. The Ottawa is BIG, raging Whitewater and I was really nervous, but lived through it :D

7) I HATE wearing shoes :P

**********

Now to TAG 7 friends - weeeeeeeeeee !

1) Amanda at http://beadnfiberbabe.blogspot.com/ She makes Jewelry, knits wonderful socks and tiny sweaters and is responsible for introducing me to Blythes :D

2) Amber at http://trollflings.blogspot.com/ She is a truly inspiring Mommy of 5 by day and a master clay artist by night, chugging away on our mutual addiction - COFFEE !

3) Ouissi at http://memoryisart.blogspot.com/ She is as sweet as her nickname " Cupcake " and has a great eye for color and texture. She creates beautiful three dimensional cards.

4) Nico at http://nicoletirona.blogspot.com/ She is a driven, outspoken and honest girl who has a flair for style and a thriving jewelry business.

5) Simone at http://www.blog.simonewalsh.com/ My friends and I love and respect her so much, we call her "god" :D She is very smart, independent and creative. She makes beautiful things out of metal.

6) Andy at http://www.andymathis.blogspot.com/ A fun, smart and handsome fellow who helps animals and paints !

7) Starry at http://starrydesigns.blogspot.com/ Just one of the sweetest Jewelry makers on the web !

Boy, that was hard to pick JUST 7 people !!! There are a few people I would have loved to include, but I know their lives are too hectic right now to participate and I didn't want to put more pressure on them :P

Writing this has made me realize I need to update my " friend's link " list !!!

Bye for now ! Off to TAG the above peeps ~ :D

Update on Kitty and the life of B.Z.

2008-01-28T11:59:00.000-05:00

Gosh ! It's been over two months since I have updated my blog ! It was such a busy holiday season for me even though I did absolutely nothing with my Jewelry business :P

First, about the most important change in my life ... my Miss Pawly, or as I have come to call her " Sweet P "

A lot has happened since the night of December 1 st when Pawly came inside and decided to stay ... she has only been outside once for a few hours to play in some new fallen snow. I thought it only fair to give her that opportunity, as she had not yet experienced snow. Her only other outings have been to the vet.

Pawly had gone into heat the week of Christmas, and that was a curious thing for me, having never owned a cat before, as she would go downstairs and call for a mate. It kept us awake at night, but she was even cute doing that. I swear, she was shouting " HELLO ! " and would have loved to share an audio of it, but every time I got out of bed to tape her ... she stopped.

Her second week long episode of calling for a boyfriend came immediately after the holidays. She gave us only 9 days of rest ! I had been putting off getting her spayed, as I didn't even know if I could catch her to put her in a carrier, but our lack of sleep was becoming a reason to push forward. I started to pick her up when she would present herself, elevating her bottom toward me in hopes of some "action". She was much harder to catch when she was not actively in heat, as she was not used to human contact. I scheduled the vet appointment and hoped for the best.

Meanwhile, it was obvious that Pawly was attached to me. She followed my every move like a toddler underfoot. But I could only pet her while she was eating. So on the morning of her first vet visit, I fed her and picked her up just before she was finish ... plopped her into the carrier and we were off. I was amazed how well she did at the vet's. In her anxiety, she allowed me to hold her while she was examined and all went well. We scheduled the spay for two days later.

It was hard for me to leave Pawly alone at the vet. She peed in her carrier due to fright and watched me as I went out the door. I worried all day, but was told to call ANY time to check on her. All went well and my kitty recovered very quickly. You can see her on my Youtube just 2 days after surgery - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxMLQQSLwTM

Now she is tearing around the house as if she never had surgery. I am on a mission to get her used to being picked up and cuddled. At this point she tolerates it, but doesn't seem to enjoy it ( YET ) but she seems to have explored every inch of the house now, and calls it her own. She has several favorite spots and sleeps on the bed with us occasionally. She comes calling on us in the mornings, impatient to have someone to play with. She is spoiled in every sense of the word ... and I don't know how I ever got along with out her :D

As for the Jewelry business, I am at a crossroads with that and will update at a later time. I need to think about where I want to go with it. I haven't created a thing since being banned from the Etsy forums. I have followed the goings on through friends still on Etsy, and it seems like a tumultuous time over there, still. My website and Mintd provide a platform for selling my jewelry, but I need to re-evaluate what I want out of the whole venture.

Lately my time has been divided between my new furry family member and some projects with Jer that have been on the back burner. I have also spent more time on the guitar, as I have a Memorial Service to do in a few days. I play my flute and guitar and sing for this event annually, and still get nervous about it every time :P I'll report on that in a few days.

And finally, I have a new hobby ! One that has me a bit befuddled, as I never played with dolls as a youth, nor did I have interest in them. I am fully smitten with Blythe and Pullip dolls. I think part of the attraction is the photography of the dolls and the option to customize them into little works of art and personalized "buddies".

Here is a photo of my girl Sandi

http://www.flickr.com/photos/blondezilla/2211713168/

So I have been very busy with new things and old commitments, but have not forgotten all my good friends from Etsy ! I hope everyone is doing well and I will be more diligent with keeping my blog current now that the holiday madness is over ;>)

Miss Pawly Purface found a home

2007-11-17T12:19:00.001-05:00

This kitty first showed up early this summer as a baby kitten often seen in our yard. She was a bit thin and often dirty.
We have several neighbors who have cats ... a certain apartment rental across the street is the home of many ... the turn over in that apartment complex is outrageous, some folks are gone again before the month is up. Not sure if this kitty was one of theirs that got abandoned, or if it was dropped off.

We finally realized that kitty doesn't have a home, but has managed O. K. with help from our kinder neighbors .... but now it's getting cold, so we provided a nice place for kitty and a guaranteed food source. She has spent the last several nights in her little box on the back porch and seldom strays too far now. I think she has adopted us !

I was a bit concerned that she had owners and was just visiting us .... but after several cold nights spent in her box on the back porch, I am convinced now she has no other owner. So it was time for us to give her a name.

Jer and I were brainstorming one night and giggling at the ridiculous names we were coming up with, when Jer says, " She seems like a Lee to me ... Paw Lee " .... giggles ensued, and we decided Pawly was her name .... Purface came naturally because she's such a purry kitteh ... she purs ALL THE TIME !
Some of my friends know the story of Jer and his cats. Several years before we met, Jer was a typical " Cat lady " His previous home was on a main road headed out of town that had a huge field behind it. He started with two domestic cats, but began to feed strays that came along.

Soon he had well over 20 cats of various temperaments. Some were feral, some were indoor/outdoor and some were new babies from the mix. His crew blossomed and began to overwhelm him. Then he had the tragedy of a flood and had to move, but couldn't take the cats with him. He called the humane society for help. In his mind, they just stole his cats.

He managed to find a friend to take in a handful of his most domesticated fur balls, and she still cares for a few of them today. He swore he would never own another kitty, because it was too heart breaking.

But here we are ..... and "Daddy" is hopelessly attached already. I came home from work Friday to this note -

Jer had gone to a gig after fretting about Kitty ALL DAY ! He got home at 1130 PM and I had still not seen Miss Pawly Purface, even though I had called for her multiple times throughout the evening. About a half hour after Jer got home, he went downstairs to get a drink, and Miss Pawly was in her snuggle box on the back porch. We got her some wet food and she gave us some love and then got all playful and ran around the back yard all happy. She can jump straight up into the air about two feet to catch a snowflake !
I finally had to come inside, because it was only 30 degrees out, but I am happy to report that Miss Pawly is home after prowling around all day ! She slept over night in her box and was still there this morning until after we fed her. Now she is out and about again ... just like her Daddy ;>)

We have tried to lure Miss Pawly into the house, but she is too skittish yet and she seems to enjoy being outdoors .... we'll see how it goes.

See Kitteh Live on Youtube

BEE VERY AFRAID !

2007-10-31T22:27:00.000-04:00

Some days my job is VERY stressfull. Today was a crazy day, we had a heavy load and we worked hard, but it was also EXTREMELY FUN !

Every year on Halloween we bring in cookies and candy and snacks for our patients to munch on while in the waiting room, and MOST of us dress up. In years past I have been a kayaker, a pumpkin, a skunk, a witch, etc etc ... Some of our fellas have dressed up as pregnant ladies, sexy Maids and even a PINK Ballarina, complete with pink shoes, lace and Tutu !

This year I had a few ideas I was toying with, but finally decided to dress up as Bee Zee !

I made a video this morning while my make-up was still fresh .....

My wings were a bit unruly and I had to take care not to poke anyone with them, but I got through the day without smudging my make-up too badly. But oh the itchy face ! We had a few patients who came in dressed up and even two babies - one was in a pumpkin suit and the other was in a Santa suit. Every time I walked by the older baby, she made an " OH! " face, like this {:O I think I scared the poor child.

Oh, and I must add, horizontal stripes just do NOT flatter my figure, but it was worth all the fun !

Good Day Sunshine !

2007-10-21T15:51:00.000-04:00

It's a beautiful Sunday afternoon ! Days like these bring my spirits up and remind me to count my blessings.

It's 4 P.M. and it's 77 degrees F. outside, a rare October day here in the Northern most section of New York State.

Everything is sun shiny and bright, and my window is aglow with brillianltly colored figures from my friend who sells stained glass over on Mintd. I was compelled to complete a Look book for her that I had been putting off. I called it Everyday Sunshine - go take a look !

I've had a very productive day. I have actually enjoyed doing the laundry and hanging it out in the sun to dry. My clothes will smell so good after !

In between loads of laundry, I have been playing my guitar and learning a song by David Gates, founder of the 1970's soft rock band Bread. I am at the point where it is fun, not frustrating, and it has been nice to lay back after working through a very busy month at my day job.

As I enjoy the day, my thoughts drift to the many friends who help me through hard times. I want to shout out to "Hurbanski" who has a wonderful sense of humor, a creative style that is all her own, and who is one of a handful of close interweb friends that helps to keep me smiling. She is indeed an Everyday Angel !

The centerpiece in the necklace at the top of this post is a creation of Hurb's that I used in a necklace I made for myself. It makes a statement, and it makes me very happy to own it. Thanks Hurb !

I LOVE Fall !

2007-10-07T21:22:00.000-04:00

Upstate New york is gorgeous in the Fall !

This is my favorite time of year. I love it when the temperatures only get to about 60 in the day and fall into the 40s over night. The leaves are starting to turn and the air is crisp, but the sun is still warm on your back. The squirrels are scurrying to gather enough nuts to get through the winter and the geese are flying south.

There is much to be done before the first frost arrives, and soon enough Winter will have it's long slumber. Halloween decorations adorn many a neighbor's doorstep and the first fallen leaves swirl in the October winds. I hung my laundry out today and it smells so fresh now. It was a beautiful clear day with gentle winds.

I have two more weeks of a busy work schedule to get through. We have been giving flu shots in the clinic, and the extra few minutes it takes for each patient has made the days fast and furious. But soon many of our patients will fly south with the geese and winter in their southern homes, leaving a slightly lighter schedule through the winter.

I look forward to working only a few days per week again. I haven't made a new jewelry piece in days ! Plus I need some spare time to start playing guitar again, in preparation for the annual memorial service I play in. I have completed my new website ( at least in it's basic form ) and have even sold one of Jer's CDs off the site !

I'm looking forward to the changing season and the refocusing of my energy on creating both music and jewelry. Watch for new items to be ripe for the picking in my shops in the next few weeks. They shall be bursting in Fall colors !

I would like you to meet my ROCK

2007-10-03T23:55:00.000-04:00

Above is one of my favorite photos of my Jer. This was taken about 20 years ago, but is the essence of Jer and how I see him everyday, even though he has more wrinkles and his hair is mostly grey now.

The story of how we met is like something from the script of a soap opera, but with serendipity sprinkled on top. Someday I may write about it. Suffice to say, when we met, it was like I finally found someone who spoke my language, or as Jer would say, " You must come from my home planet ! " What started out as guitar lessons quickly blossomed into the love of my life.

I am blessed to have this man in my life. He brings me coffee every morning before I get out of bed. He makes me laugh when I am sad. He always greets me when I come home from work with , " How was your day ? " and actually listens to my blow by blow, then suggests I take a nice hot bath while he fixes supper.

Jer is a professional musician. He's not famous, but he has made a life of it and done quite well for himself over the years. He spent many years on the road, but has decided to try to work locally and help with his 94 year old Dad. While I'm off to work during the day, he is playing " Mr. Mom " at home, running errands for Dad and keeping up the house chores. He works playing guitar a few nights per week at local restaurants. Sometimes he gets frustrated when work is slow, but I don't want him out there on the road at this point in his life, and he is grateful that he can choose to stay home now.

Our goals together are to learn the world of computer home recording and get his music out there on the Internet. Recently, I have started to build a website that we can share. I call it Jazz and Jewelry by B.Z. and Jer. It is still in it's infancy, and I will more than likely update and improve it over time, but it is finally ready to go live.

Jer and I share the love of music, the love of creativity and the love of laughter. He inspires me everyday with his optimism and energy and he comforts me every night with his rock steady support of my endeavors. I am truly blessed to have found the haven of his arms.

Please take a moment to listen to his music here : https://www.bzjewelry.com/Jazz.html

YOU ARE AN IDIOT !

2007-09-30T00:40:00.000-04:00

I was just sitting by my bedroom window when I heard a young man scream this at his child. The child couldn't have been more than 7 years old. It hurt me to think that this child probably has heard these words repeatedly over the few years he has been on this earth. It reminded me of my childhood.

I've tried to keep this blog mostly about topics related to my jewelry and selling adventures ... but thought, perhaps you would like to know a bit about the PERSON behind the jewelry ?

I was fortunate to have been raised by a Stay at Home ( SAH ) Mom. Her life revolved around my brother and me. She was quite isolated because my father made her so. She had a beautiful singing voice, but all my father would say is " stop your warbling and fix my dinner " ! She had a collection of drawings from high school that were beautiful, but she didn't pursue it after marriage. She didn't even drive, because every time she expressed interest, it would just result in my father belittling her to tears. Thusly, she was isolated and controlled by him.

My brother was a very creative person as well. He loved to draw and could look at something the size of a postage stamp and reproduce it to a picture one foot square - to the finest of detail ! He had several dreams that were crushed by my father. He wanted to be a dancer, a nurse, a cook ( loved to decorate cakes ) an artist ..... all of these dreams were considered to be dreams of a "Sissy" to my father. My brother never realized any of his dreams - he died at 21 in a motor vehicle accident.

I remember being about 8 years old when my Mom started to ask my brother and I if she should divorce "Dad". How is an 8 year old supposed to respond to that ? Well, I responded with fear. He supported us, even if most Fridays he went to the bars and spent most of the paycheck buying drinks for friends, leaving us to eat PB&J for dinner. He was quite well liked by those who only knew him socially.

At home, I always heard these words from dear old dad, " You'll never amount to much," ... " You are going to grow up to be as fat as your mother " ..." You are bow-legged " but at school, I enjoyed learning and was often praised by teachers. I LOVED to go to school !

I was quite a Tomboy through my childhood - didn't want to be called a "Sissy" by my father. But when I started to blossom as a preteen, my Mom got me a beautiful dress for my birthday. Dad came home drunk that night and grabbed my budding breast. Mom lit into him, but it was soon forgotten and chalked up to drunkenness.

When Mom stopped sleeping with dad, he started taking me to remote places, always telling me we were going to go somewhere fun ... always apologizing after, but NEVER drunk. My brother was jealous that I always got to go places with dad. I was ashamed.

It wasn't until I went to college ( first one in my family ) that I went to a roommate's home and saw a REAL family in action. I stopped going home for the weekends and went to her house instead. I spent summers in Florida were my Mom had moved after finally divorcing my dad.

Then I got the news ... Mom had breast cancer. She fought it for two years, but it spread, first to her lungs, then bones, then brain. I was alone with her, holding her hand, when she left her pain ( and me ) behind. She was only 42, my age now.

At that time I didn't know I was going to become a cancer nurse. I went through many different majors in college and ended up with a degree in journalism, but moved back to my childhood home and went back to college to become a nurse.

I have been a Registered Nurse for 15 years now - all spent in Oncology ( cancer nursing ). I have had my certification in Oncology for several years now. I LOVE my job, because I can help patients from both sides of the disease. I HAVE been there as a family member.

All this was brought to the surface by that father yelling at his young son today. I was so upset by that, and other things going on in my life ( the muting from Etsy forums by founder Rob Rokali and friends ) that I decided to take a nap.

Sometimes the mind can make sense of things after a nap.

... and as I was drifting off, I was thinking ... if Rob had to bring his Mom to my cancer center, he would see a TOTALLY different side of me ...but he would also see how I use my humor to keep people smiling despite their fears. I am often commended in RL at how I can sense when it is O. K. to use levity and patients thank me for making their stays there actually FUN - something they hadn't expected.

I am also active in our annual Memorial Service. I play ALL the music for the service. I play my guitar and sing and play my flute. It is VERY HARD for me to do - I am nervous EVERY year, but I do it so that NONE of our service is "canned". It is all done by staff - familiar faces to the families left behind.

I have a very fulfilling life now. I want to move past these last few weeks of Etsy drama and start living it productively again. I felt the need to share this all with you - so you can see there is a LOT more to me than a few posts in the Etsy forums. In comparison, Etsy banning me PALES to what I have triumphed over in my past.

Thanks to all of those who ALREADY knew there was much more to me than my Etsy persona. Your support has meant the world to me !

~B.Z.

Building Blocks

2007-09-24T22:26:00.000-04:00

I remember when I was a kid, I didn't worry about whether I knew how to build a house or not, I just started playing with a couple blocks and stacked them until they began to take on the shape I had in my mind. We are so exploratory at that age. Not afraid to start over again if the blocks fall down.

I got an idea in my head and I am trying to run with it. I secured a couple of domain names for myself and a couple for my BF who plays Jazz guitar. I bought a " Build it tonight " website package off GoDaddy and started playing with it. The templates are rudamentary and the lingo is foreign to me, but I am making some headway, between other activities I am catching up on.

I could ask someone else to build a site for me, and I am sure it would be MUCH better, but the stubborn, independant streak in me tells me I can do it myself. My initial goal is to put up a BASIC website that Jer and I share called B.Z. & Jer's Jazz and Jewelry. I'll learn by playing with the web templates and by next year, when this contract comes up for renewal, I will have a better grasp on what I need to build a better site and add all the essentials such as a shopping cart.

Little blocks placed carefully one by one

low on the ground til the foundation is done

Then reaching higer, two blocks , maybe three

carefully calculating how high it should be

protecting my work from the tail of the dog

and writing about it right here in my blog.

I really didn't know how fun it would be

this " do it yourself " plan is setting me free !

Establishing new roots

2007-09-23T16:37:00.000-04:00

Since my last post I have secured two domain names - BZBoutique.com and BZJewelry.com

I have started uploading products to lov.li and put a banner on this blog for direct linking to that site. These are just baby steps on the way to planting myself firmly onto my own website, but I am spreading the seeds far and wide so that I can have many islands for people to visit.

I think I will take the rest of the day off ... go for a long walk and then relax in a bubble bath ! Later I will do my nails and play my guitar. Relaxing is what Sundays are for, right ?!

Blue Skys - Smoothe Sailing

2007-09-22T19:16:00.000-04:00

It took a little fancy steering, but I managed to get through the choppy waters and now I am full steam ahead. As a friendly bloke once said to me..... FRIGATE !

Moving forward, the only decision left for me to make is " What to do with my Mintd shop " ?

I have moved my inventory off Etsy and I am going to slowly add my best " Jewelry for the masses " beaded pieces in between my more refined Sterling Silver and gemstone pieces. I had hoped to keep them separate for the sake of branding, but for now they will have to learn to live side by side in peace ;>)

Ahhhhhh, it is sooooooo quiet and peaceful out here in the ocean . I don't know why I was so afraid to take this voyage. Just a few clouds left in the sky, but not a one of them ominous.
I think I'll adjust my sails and head for the Land Down Under !

Earth Tears

2007-09-21T15:22:00.000-04:00

I am quoting off of this blog:

http://emuting.blogspot.com/

***********************************************

There's an insanely long but interesting discussion going on over at UEN:http://etsynews.com/415/etsy-dramatically-changes-forum-muting-policies/Also, four of the banned have now publicly told their stories:
Me
BlondezillaBeads4Fun (BZ)
Eclipse
BenCanDanceAs you can see, the other three are sellers, who no longer can change their avatars (that's what happens when you get muted, and thus also when banned).EDIT: The fifth person has just brought her identity to light - quirke.For people who have been told in the banning email to "thrive", I hardly understand how that's possible when a shop is handicapped so severely.

***************************************************************************

There are SO MANY who can express it much better than I can, and I want to thank Elizabeth for compiling the information into one concise area.

This incident has forced me to become more organized. I am compiling a long over due portfolio of items I have already sold and organizing my inventory. My plan had been to sell ONLY my Sterling Silver ( high end ) jewelry over at Mintd and to sell my " jewelry for the masses" at Etsy. I will have to rethink that now.

Hopefully, I can build my own website where I can have clear categories for my various styles of Jerwelry that I make. I will annouce that here when it is brought into being.

Again, thanks to all who have supported me through this unexpected turn of events !

Love,

~ B.Z.

Adjusting my Sails

2007-09-21T00:21:00.000-04:00

You know, it’s not the end of the world to me that I am not able to post in the Etsy forums anymore …but people need to look around and see the bigger picture here.
Some friends and even anonymous people have really put things into perspective for me, and I don’t see this as such a bad thing for me personally anymore.
I am a fairly new internet user and surely made many mistakes that newbies make. One of them was thinking I could only sell my wares on Etsy because I don’t have the skills to build a website.
Well, my friends can help me through that process, and I found them on Etsy - so I am now seeing this as an evolutionary step …
Thanks to the actions of Etsy Admins, I no longer feel I have to go in the direction of the wind … I can learn how to adjust my sails.

Silence

2007-09-15T15:52:00.000-04:00

Silence

In the silence

the wind sings a lullaby

in the silence

you may hear more

silence is what silence is not

silence is awareness

silence is loud.

Mahfooz Ali

I am sorry to report that I will no longer be able to post to threads in the Etsy forums.

Yet another transition to adapt to.

I will no longer be seen or heard there, but I will be lurking.

Love,

~B.Z.

Transitions

2007-09-13T13:51:00.000-04:00

As we all feel the change over from Summer to Fall, it is especially acute for me right now. this is a segue in my life that has many transitions and transformations.

The first and most obvious is the fact that I am starting a new blog here at blogger. Along with that, I hope to be putting a renewed and enthusiastic effort into the process of maintaining an active blog. I have met and befriended many special people in my efforts to sell my Jewelry on-line. I hope to keep them up to date on the many facets of my life, as they do with their blogs. I really enjoy keeping in touch this way.

Another transition that has been developing over the past few months is my commitmet to work in Sterling Silver and precious gems. I owe this new adventure to a dear friend I met at Etsy. WhiteFluffyDogs was a friend before she ever bought anything from me. She saw me growing as an artist and knew it was time for me to break into the Sterling scene. With her gentle nudging and encouragement I finally took the plunge and have been having a great time with it ! Not only did I buy a bunch of wire and sterling findings and beautiful gemstones, but I also learned to Oxidize silver and bought other supplies to continue to try new things. It has been very rewarding and I continue to pursue the new ideas that have come to me as I explore the possibilities that have opened up to me.

I am proud to show you my first major sterling silver and precious gem project ! This beautiful bracelet shown above.

There is yet another transition happening in my life right now. Two full-time nurses have left the clinic where I work delivering Chemotherapy to cancer patients. We only employ three Full-time nurses, so it was a big blow to our staffing, which was never optimal. One exodus was planned for, as the nurse was leaving to teach at a local college. The other exodus was sudden, but not totally unexpected. Our army reserve nurse has been called to duty. She will back-fill for nurses going to Iraq. Her service will be in Louisiana, for at least a year. We can not "fill" her position, as it needs to be available for her when she returns from duty.

What does this mean for me ? I work part-time, by choice, so that I can have the time and energy to pursue my jewelry making hobby. For this to coincide with my new enthusiasm working in sterling silver is unfortunate, as it will interfere with my ability to follow through on that. I have agreed to work full-time to help fill in the shortage of nurses at the clinic. I can not do this for an extended amount of time, as I tend to burn out if I can not drink from the pool of creativity.

I also play guitar and must prepare for our annual memorial service at which I perform. We are a busy office that treats both cancer patients and hematology ( blood disorder ) patients, and although we do better every year to keep people in remission from their diseases, we lose about 200 souls per year. Many of whom have become like family to us. It is a hard job, but comes with many rewards.

I hope I can juggle it all and still have time to unwind with my craft. I will document my challenges and successes here for my friends to share. I find comfort and renewed spirit sharing with my interweb friends, sometimes even more so than those I have in RL. Thanks to those who follow my babblings, I feel loved, admired and supported - you know who you are ;>)

I finally made it to Blogger !

2007-09-12T23:12:00.000-04:00

Hello friends and new visitors !

I finally made it to Blogger ! I had started a blog over on Yahoo, here http://360.yahoo.com/blondezillabeader , but just wasn't motivated to keep it updated because some of my friends don't have a Yahoo account, and here on Blogger ANYONE can read and comment ! Yippee !

So I will be posting over here now, and hopefully, more frequently. So see you soon with some photos and stories and laughs ;>)